Teton Mosquitos: They Will Make A Grown Man Cry

You may think you know mosquitos, but until you’ve camped in Grand Teton National Park, at Headwaters Campground, on a warm summer night, you don’t mosquitos. They didn’t show up until my 4th and 5th night here, but when they did, it was all-out war. I wasn’t the only one suffering. Everyone in the campground was fighting them off with various strategies.

My campsite neighbors, Mitch and Darlene were from Alabama (they had the best southern accents), and even they were shocked at the size and tenaciousness of the Teton mosquitos. Mitch and Darlene were seasoned RVers, with a fancy big rig and lots of outdoor gear. Mitch was a large man, with a round face and he wore his overalls proudly. Darlene was the quintessential southern hostess and offered me homemade peanut butter cookies with a Hershey’s kiss in the middle. (I’ve always loved these). They were a sweet couple and both told me to “holler” if I needed anything. They arrived on my 4th night here, when the mosquitos were at their worst. Mitch was setting up camp outside, while Darlene was setting up camp inside their RV ( the typical gender divine I see with almost all RVing straight couples). As they were setting up, I heard Mitch say, “Lordly, honey, these mosquitos mean business. I'm gonna need that bug spray soon.”

About an hour later, I walked across the campground to get my laundry from the laundromat. In the span of about 5 minutes, I was SWARMED by mosquitos. There were everywhere! I was swatting them left and right, dodging them as they approached, flailing my arms in desperation. I must have looked like I was having an epileptic seizure as I walked down the path. These Teton mosquitos are vicious, relentless, wicked little creatures. They will bite you THROUGH your clothing. Through your shoes even. Anything other than 99% DEET makes them laugh, and even then, some of them take the DEET as a fun challenge. I swear, I would drink the DEET if it would keep these miserable things away from me. I don't know if it's my fair skin or my blood type (Type O), which researchers say is especially delicious to mosquitos), but I seem to get more than my fair share of bites and when I do, they turn into big welts.

As I returned to my campsite with my laundry, I realized that I was not the only one who was feeling the attack. Poor Mitch was outside, setting up his satellite dish, waving his arms hysterically, swatting his face, and turning in circles. He was at his wits end. He called out with the most desperate plea. . .

“FOR THE LOVE O' GOD, DARLENE!! WHERE IS THE BUG SPRAY?!!”

I could hear Darlene call back loudly from inside their RV, with the confidence of a super-hero putting on her cape,

“I’M COMIN’, MITCHELL! HANG ON, BABY!! I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT!”

Something about this whole scene sent me into fits of laughter. . . and then into pensive reflection. On this trip I’ve experienced the power of nature in towering mountain ranges, thundering waterfalls, natural arches, and glorious redwood trees. Tonight, the power of nature was showing up in the form on a tiny insect that could bring all of us to our knees, including a giant of man like Mitchell. Henry David Thoreau said, "We need the tonic of wilderness." He was certainly right, but I wonder if he would called for a different kind of tonic if he had ever encountered a Teton Mosquito.